And he said of course you’d rather be in love, as though there was no possibility that he was wrong, and I felt my heart falter as if it said, would I though? And then it was as if I was looking in a mirror for the first time and could see that something was missing, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t figure out whether it was a good or bad thing. I suppose he sometimes reminds me of a version of myself that I have momentarily left behind, and perhaps it is mixed with envy over wishing I still had the kind of desire’s he freely states he has.

—

I spend a lot of time torn between the contradicting desire’s I have for how I want to live my life. My limbs are growing tired of being pulled in far too many directions.