I’ll go for another walk.

Kids colour hearts and rainbows and paste them in the windows
A little girl waves at me from behind the glass as I walk by
She points to the heart she’s just taped, I wave back, smiling
At 7:00pm we clap our hands, hit pots and pans, cheer from balconies.

I spend my time falling in love with this neighbourhood
Wandering through quiet streets
Studying each home trying to decide which one I might live in
Dark blue, white window panes
A large porch designed to host all of my friends
Tall old homes, tall older trees.

I started walking downtown
Things feel closer than they did before
Which reminds me that I’m not in a rush to get anywhere.

I smile at people who walk by as I move over onto the grass
A silent promise that I’d like to be closer than this
It’s not you that I’m trying to avoid
We both know this. 

I find myself missing physical touch
A closeness
A hand on a shoulder, a slower hug
But I can’t say this is brand new. 

I’m scared that when all of this is over
We’ll still be nervous about getting too close to each other. 

I choose parks for different days
I find that as soon as my feet are moving I’m never ready to slow down
I promise myself I’ll go to the coffee shop on 18th and Columbia, when it reopens. 

I throw myself between contentment and anxiety
Feeling the weight of each
Letting dizziness subside
Deciding on fresh air instead. 

I tell myself that when all of this is over
I’ll hug my friends and drink champagne
I’ll take my parents through my neighbourhood streets
I’ll watch my mom fall in love with my favourite shops
I’ll take my time in a grocery store
Maybe I’ll get bangs and buy a floral dress
And then I’ll go to Portland for the weekend. 

I imagine these are the little things and the biggest things
All at the same time.

One thought on “I’ll go for another walk.

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