Feelings, Decisions, & Other Problems

I’m not certain about much at all, but I don’t think that love is made up of things like excuses. If we pretended love was only a feeling then maybe it would be. But I once read something that lead me to believe that love is not just the feeling you get when you look at them but the moment you decide to be with them – to choose them. It’s more than the feeling – it’s the decision. Because you can say you love somebody but words only carry so much weight when actions don’t follow. And there will always be a million and one things standing in your way if you search for them – and that’s okay if you can be okay with that – if it doesn’t keep you up at night. But maybe love isn’t letting the words slip off your tongue but using your hands to hold on to someone even when they shake – even when the space between your hands and their skin feels immeasurable – even when things aren’t simple. Love is choosing somebody even when it’s not always easy – it is never going to be ‘always easy’. Life will get in the way, and if we wait for the perfect moment, we’ll spend the rest of our lives searching for something that I’m not sure exists. But unfortunately, distance is terrifying and we’ve gotten caught up in terms like ‘timing’ so we can pretend that it was never really about choice. And maybe those are real problems, maybe they deserve the credit we’ve been giving them – maybe they don’t. But we’ve spent years trying to figure out love and I want to know whether love is the complicated thing or whether that’s just us.

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