It’s walls breaking down & light seeping in.

from 2015.

Being left is picturing your entire world in a different frame of mind.

It’s clock handles slowing and sleep getting shorter.

It’s looking at your friends and seeing someone different.

It’s jealousy that you never thought you’d have – that you never wanted to have.

Of them, of him – of people who get to spend more time with him than you do and of him looking like he might be moving on more than you have and it’s frustrating.

Heartache – or heartbreak – is loneliness at 3pm on a Tuesday.

It’s lying in tall grass on the most beautiful day and feeling like you forgot something.

It’s wondering why you’ve never been good enough for anybody to stay for too long.

It’s wondering if you ever will be.

A break-up is glass shattering on a hard wood floor and cutting both people with its fragments, it hurts.

It’s the loudest noise that will ever ring in your ears and the silence you feel in a crowd of people.

It’s the dream you wake up to but can never fully remember.

Moving on is like trying to watch a flower grow.

It’s idleness and going stir crazy and feeling irritated at nothing, it’s slow.

It’s hard and then it’s harder and then it’s like you can’t handle it but all the sudden you can.

It’s learning to sleep on “his” side of the bed and feeling comfortable.

It’s waking up in the morning and he’s your second or third thought instead of your first.

It’s a slow ache, a tender adjustment taking place and you can barely notice your progression.

Progression, is different every time, for everyone.

It’s falling to the bathroom floor the first time and singing in the shower the second.

It’s confusing.

Being single is learning to be good enough for just yourself, for once.

It’s wearing clothes you stopped wearing and forgetting to question what people think of you.

It’s lonely, at times.

It’s confidence you once lost but have suddenly renewed.

It’s knowing you can stand on your own without having to keep somebody in order to stay stable.

It’s when you stop trying to pass blame – on him – on yourself.

It’s recognizing a lesson out of what you thought looked more like a promise.

It’s learning to be somebody, without somebody else.

Recovery,

Is walls breaking down, and light seeping in.

 

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